Instinct
by jenismyhomegirl
Summary: Paily. Emily is about to enter her junior year of college at Hollis. She should be happy with her girlfriend (Alison) and no more A disrupting their lives. But when she crosses paths with Paige for the first time in over a year, she is reminded of what her life could have been and wonders if she made the right choices.
1. Chapter 1

My eyes unfocused as I took the times, the girls disappearing in the water they were churning up with their fevered strokes. I shouldn't get so distracted. I tried to shake my head and make sure I would at least catch when to stop my watch.

"Fields!" Dana shouted, making a gesture like she was clicking an invisible remote with one hand.

"Got it!" I said as I mashed the stop button on the watch, and the girls pulled themselves out of the pool. They dried off, rallying around Dana for a series of stretches to cool down from the practice. She waved me over, smiling graciously through her noticeable frustration with me.

"How were their times?" She asked, hoping that I actually knew the answer and didn't totally lose track of time.

"Sharks are doing well. I'm impressed with the times despite some of the choppier form I was seeing out there. You want to be powerful and fast but succinct in the water with your movement. You are working with it, not against it." I added, smiling at them. I was always the good cop in terms of saying positive things to the girls. After all, this should be a fun part of their lives, assuming it isn't muddied with multiple homicides and threats.

"Alright sharks you heard her. Keep working on the form. You are free to shower and go now." Dana nodded towards the locker rooms, effectively releasing them. Then she turned to me.

"Everything okay Emily?" We only called each other by our first names outside the earshot of the team, even though I had been on the team with some of them when they were freshman and sophomores. They were used to calling me Emily but should get comfortable with Coach Fields.

"Yeah! Sorry Dana, just seems like my mind is all over the place today. Some good rest and I'll perk up." I shrugged sheepishly; embarrassed she had caught me staring off again. Seems like I did it too often lately.

"Okay good. I need you out there."

"I know. You all do." I said, trying my best to sound light-hearted. I would settle if I sounded somewhere near normal. We walked along the edge of the pool to get to our offices, the expansive place now humid from the practice.

In my case, the office was a tiny desk in the corner of Dana's office. Since I wasn't an actual teacher and just a part-time coach, I didn't warrant an entire room. It was fine, usually I had to speed over here after class at Hollis anyway, and didn't have much to stash or go over.

I grabbed my stuff, noticing a test message notification.

**Ali:** You on your way home Em?

I wrote back an affirmative before shouldering my bag and walking. In the hallway I bumped into a rapidly moving figure, one the notebooks of team times and meet orders dropping to the floor. We bumped heads attempting to reach down and grab it at the same time. My head buzzed as my eyesight grew dim for a moment. When I focused again, I realized I had run into Sydney. The swimmer I was most likely to actively avoid as coach.

"Emily!" She said in equal amounts of excitement and surprise. I rolled my eyes. Sydney still seemed sorry for what she had done, but I didn't want to hear it. I tried to be as neutral towards her as possible so as not to seem unprofessional.

"I'm Coach Fields now." I said back, taking the notebook from her hand.

"Sorry. It is habit." She said, biting her lip. She clearly had more to say and was trying to figure out how to say it.

"What is it?" I asked, frustrated by her delaying me from getting back home.

"I just…I don't understand why you are still upset with me. You got everything you wanted." She said in a quiet voice. Her usually infectious excitement had disappeared so her voice was a popped balloon, deflated and devoid of its joy. But her words hit a vulnerable nerve I did my best to avoid. You got everything you wanted…

"Sorry if I gave you that impression. I just have a lot on my plate right now, juggling all these things I wanted." I smirked to cover up the pang in my heart when I said it.

* * *

><p>I walked in the door and dropped my keys on their hook and my bag on the ground in one motion. At least summer conditioning camp would only last a few weeks. Between my summer classes and the practices I was exhausted.<p>

"Emily? That you?" I heard from the kitchen. I could smell something savory wafting in the air and smiled.

"Yeah mom." I walked in the kitchen and kissed her cheek.

"Smells delicious." I noted, taking a peak at the pasta.

"Thanks. It will be ready soon so could you get your dad and Alison?" She nodded her head in the direction of the backyard.

"Of course." When I went out I saw they were playing poker. I didn't know what my dad entertained playing Alison at poker. She had the best poker face of anyone I knew.

"Mom said dinner will be ready soon."

"Very well. We can pick this up after dinner, right Alison?" My dad smiled and slowly propelled himself up from the chair. He was doing his best to not strain his heart, but I still kept an eye on him to make sure he wasn't straining himself. He lightly touched my shoulder as he walked past.

"Of course we will Wayne." Alison called after him. Since she spent so much time over here, she had started calling my parents by their first names. It was a little disconcerting, but they didn't mind so why should I?

I turned to Alison, impressed that she waiting a beat to make sure we were alone out there after my dad was out of eyeshot. Once he cleared the sliding door leading into the house, she nearly stormed up to me, cupping my face with her hands and kissing me gently, with an urgent undercurrent. Her lip balm tasted like watermelon.

"Em…how was your day?" She asked once we broke apart, dropping one of her hands to take my own.

"Busy. And yours?" I asked, mustering up a smile.

"It was good…but it's much better with you here now." She smiled her small grin and led me inside. We would have family dinner, and then I would have to try and start the mountain of reading awaiting me. It was starting to be the routine.


	2. Chapter 2

After we wrapped up dinner, Alison continued her game of poker with my dad. I started reading the next chapter of my Kinesiology textbook, but half my attention was on my door. I was waiting with baited breath for Alison to walk through and distract me from my reading.

I averted my eyes and glanced at my message board instead. It mostly had photos of me with Spencer, Hanna, and Aria along with some swimming memorabilia. It had long been scrubbed of anything related directly to Paige. Initially Alison didn't like the Rosewood Sharks items, insinuating that I kept it because it reminded me of Paige. Once I was kept on as Assistant Coach, she had to give up on that battle. It was no matter. There was always another battle to be had.

I shook my head and focused back on the chapter I was reading.

"How's the studying going?" Alison says, leaning against the doorframe. I put my book down and shrug, gazing at her.

"It is pretty nonexistent right now. Thinking about something a little more stimulating." Alison smiles, almost bashfully; though I know bashful is not something in her repertoire. She shuts and locks the door behind her, and I smile.

"Maybe I can help." She comes to the bed and sits herself in my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck. I kiss her, trying to be gentle at first, but soon she is gyrating against my hips and I am pressing my fingers under her shirt, losing any hesitance as I claim more and more of her hot, soft skin with my hands.

My abandoned textbook falls to the ground with a soft thud on the carpet as I lift off me and lay her on the bed.

* * *

><p>My phone lets out a small bleep, stirring us from a post-coital nap.<p>

**Aria Montgomery:** Drinks tomorrow after class?

**Me:** Sure. Alison invited too?

**Aria Montgomery:** Sure…

I sigh, frustrated, but let it go. As it is, I can tell Alison is trying to read over my shoulder and I don't want her to become explicitly aware at how much the others still feel about her. And us. And…everything.

"Who was that?" Alison asks, snuggling against me.

"Aria wants to grab drinks tomorrow after class. TGIF and all." I brush her hair away from her eyes.

"I'll add it to the calendar. Even though I don't really get why you guys do summer classes."

"Faster we finish the faster we can move on to the next big thing. Beside I think we are used to excessively high levels of excitement. We simply can't handle the mundane anymore." I say, kissing Alison on the forehead. She is quiet after that, so I decide to broach the subject again. The one that keeps spinning around in my mind.

"You know, coming up on our junior year, I was thinking we could look at apartments. I mean…as much as I love having sex in my childhood room as an adult, it would be a nice change of pace." I tried to phrase it as a joke so it wouldn't hurt if she shot the idea down again.

"Em you know I think it is a really…fun idea. But we are saving money by staying with your parents. And besides it make me feel safer, with your mom and dad here. Since you are gone half the day anyway between school and coaching and the Brew…" It sounded so honest.

"I want you to feel safe. But it's been two years. I just…I want us to start our lives together. As grownups." I searched her eyes, trying to figure out what she was really thinking. Two years and Alison was still such an addictive mystery to me.

"Funny. I thought that was what we were already doing." She nodded her head down to our clothes on the ground. My cheeks flushed at her brashness.

I let it pass. Again.

* * *

><p>"Hey Em!" Aria gestured for me to come over to a booth she had nabbed. It wasn't too crowded yet, but the Hollis Bar and Grill would start to pick up as more people finished up a week of classes and school. Aria noticed Alison was with me and tried to look excited.<p>

"Hey Ali." She said in a quieter voice. I had been the first to forgive Alison when we realized that she really had concocted an elaborate plan to protect us all from the police. The others were still cold but civil towards her, unable to forget the months of what they felt was unnecessary deceit.

"Aria." She said warmly. Alison was pretty much aware of how the others felt, but by not saying it out loud we could all be civil.

"How was your week?" I asked.

"Photography is still kicking my ass, but Milton is actually pretty interesting. He was blind by the time he wrote _Paradise Lost_. Gives me hope that if photography doesn't work out I can still be a poet in order to function as a starving artist." Aria drank a sip of her beer and Alison went to grab us drinks. She looked over at Alison and then back to me.

"Just say it." I said, resigned.

"How are things in paradise found anyway?" She asked sarcastically, quirking an eyebrow. First Sydney yesterday and now Aria…

"I'm allowed to be happy, aren't I?" It sounded shorter than I intended, but I didn't apologize. She widened her eyes, surprised at how raw the nerve was.

"Sorry Em. I was just joking. You out of all people deserve to be happy and validated. I just…always thought that would be with someone else." She met my eyes, but quickly dropped her gaze since Alison was just getting back to the table.

"What'd I miss?" Alison said, smiling at both of us.

"More discussion as to what kind of starving artist Aria will be. Very intense debate, still undecided actually." I held up my beer and they raised their glasses as well.

"To another week down." I said, swallowing the first cold gulp, tasting the carbonated bubbles splash against my tongue.

"When do Spencer and Hanna get back?" Ali asked.

"Both within the week." Aria replied. I realized I wasn't quite sure myself. She must keep in better touch with them.

"I can't believe they haven't just given Spencer an honorary degree already, with all the classes she took as a high school student." I muttered, taking another sip of the beer. Just as I finished talking, I heard a familiar, husky voice carry from the front. Aria was facing the door, and I registered her surprised expression before I turned around and saw her.

Paige had just walked into the bar with a small group of varsity swimmers, Sydney included. I tried to drop my gaze before she spotted me, but it seemed like she sensed me there. Her eyes widened. I flushed, my heart suddenly pounding from the unexpected jolt of adrenaline. Then Paige's eyes looked to my right. Now her and Alison were sharing an awkward glance. Sydney must have noticed what was going on. She gently touched Paige's shoulder and whispered something to her. Paige nodded and they all turned around to leave, Paige throwing one last, pained look in my direction.

When I turned around, Aria was looking at me, silently urging me to acknowledge the moment. Ali did instead.

"Well we sure know how to clear a room." She was trying to make a joke, but it wasn't that funny, and furthermore she seemed to know it wasn't funny as she said it. We didn't say anything more about the incident, but Ali's hand found mine and held it the rest of the night.


	3. Chapter 3

"I am sorry about the way things ended between you." Alison said, lying down on the bed. She has her head propped up on her hand as she stares at me. I'm sitting in the window seat. I was hoping to just have some time to collect my thoughts, but Alison hadn't fallen asleep like I thought she did.

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?" It was already hard enough to think about Paige. But when I was with Alison it was like trying to hear the music on a static-filled radio station. She jammed my thoughts, which was usually a welcome reprieve from my daily rat race. But right now, I just wanted it to be still.

"Okay." She said after a few beats, turning over to go to sleep. I looked back out the window. The moon was full and hanging so low, the light streaming through and illuminating my room. The moon had also shone brightly the first night Paige and I had made love, both of us bathed in silver.

"_It's like a dream." I whispered into her neck, curling against her naked body for the first time. It had been messy and awkward and tender. It was somehow richer than it had been with Maya. The way Paige had looked down at me, in complete awe, had nearly stopped my heart. I had never felt so loved. _

"_It IS a dream. It has always been my dream." Paige replied, taking a sharp breath afterwards. She kissed my forehead and stroked my hair. _

"_I just hope I don't have to wake up for once." She added, and I sensed the fear in her voice. I pulled away from her neck and looked at her._

"_It's our dream. And neither of us is waking up." Before she could hang her head, I lifted the bottom of her chin with my fingers, kissing her. Once she started kissing back, I deepened the kiss and she moaned at the unexpected shift. Soon I had pulled back the sheets on top of us, climbing on top of her. We broke the kiss and looked at each other, asking permission._

"_Girls are supposed to be able to go again, right?" She asked. She didn't wait for me to answer with words._

I shook my head, nearly tearing up before I got into bed.

* * *

><p>Friday and Saturday led into a homework heavy Sunday afternoon. I wanted anything but to start another week of school and coaching on top of working at the Brew. Alison spent a fair amount of time distracting me from homework and visiting me at the Brew, loitering till I would fix her a latte or pay her enough attention to satisfy her.<p>

Part of me had expected Paige to walk into the coffee shop every time the chime went off during my Saturday shift. My stomach would do flops in preparation, although I couldn't tell if they were butterflies or a stomachache. Last summer I hadn't even been sure if she had come home; if she had I never ran into her once. I knew she still talked to Caleb and Sydney, but I didn't ask about her. I figured asking about her wellbeing was beyond the scope of appropriate behavior after the way we broke up.

But now that I had seen her it was hard not to always be half expecting her. Sitting on my doorstep or stopping by the Brew. Or doing laps in the pool.

I walked into the pool area to meet up with Dana and the team Monday afternoon. I could hear it right away. Paige's distinct, husky voice as it echoed in the center. The team was sitting on the bleachers, listening intently while Paige talked to them.

"Truth is, many of the things that help me the most swimming at the university-level are things I learned here as a Rosewood Shark." Dana smiled on, but once she noticed me walking up her smile faltered a bit. I must have looked as confused as I felt, but I just took my post beside her while Paige continued to offer the team suggestions and insight. She trailed off a bit when she took note of my presence, but didn't steal another glance in my direction as she spoke.

"One thing you will want to start thinking about more is recovery outside of practice. Everything you are eating, the sleep you are getting is all crucial. Just one injury can instantly…derail your career." I turned bright red. She probably hadn't expected me to be there in time for her talk, but it was clear she was probably thinking about my shoulder. The one that had kept me from Stanford and a future in that room on Paige's computer screen so long ago.

"So no alcohol, definitely no drugs…and think twice about the pint of ice cream." She continued, making most of the girls laugh. She gave some more suggestions before wrapping up.

"Thanks Paige. I hope you won't mind sticking around for the rest of practice? Alright girls get in the pool and start some warmup laps!" Dana yelled, blowing her whistle for emphasis. I leaned in to her ear.

"Why didn't you tell me you invited Paige in as a special guest star?" I tried not to sound resentful. Dana rolled her eyes.

"Because I knew you would just get testy anyway, and I wasn't going to let your relationship drama weigh on you before practice." She said. She nodded over to where Paige sat and then she looked back at me, her eyes softening a bit.

"Just go talk to her. Life is too short." She offered. "I'll steer the practice." She added, walking away towards the pool. I turned and walked to Paige. She was in a tank top and shorts. She had always been lean but her muscles were even tighter and more pronounced now that she was training at college.

"Hey." I said. I couldn't even begin to know how this conversation should go. I sat next to her, keeping a foot of space between us.

"Emily. Hey." She did everything to avoid looking directly at me.

"So you're back for the summer?" I didn't ask how she was. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. The better part of me wanted her to be happy, but the selfish part wanted to know she still thought about me. That maybe Stanford wasn't this perfect paradise we had both looked forward to.

"Uh yeah. Coach…I guess I should say Dana…emailed me about coming to the summer camps to help motivate the girls, tell them a bit of what to expect if they want to move up to the college level…" She trailed off, watching the water.

"You are more than just regular college level. You are nearly at the top of the top district. And thankfully you are injury free so far." I added. She looked at me nervously, her back stiffening a bit. She must know it sounded like she was talking about me earlier, although I'm sure some of the hard-working team at Stanford had injuries.

"Yeah…sorry about that earlier. I wasn't referring to you exactly…injury is kind of my worst fear right now. Winning is one of the most important things I've got going." She stole a glance at me, her brown eyes searching mine for a beat before returning to the pool. It was a loaded comment, but she didn't appear to want to elaborate.

"It's fine. I wonder all the time how different things would have been if I didn't get hurt." Another loaded comment. This time we made eye contact at the same time and held each other's eyes.

_You, me, donuts, and diners. _

"So you're still coaching?" She asked, changing the unspoken subject. I shook my head a bit to try and clear it.

"Yeah, they kept me on. I love it though lately between coaching and school and work…it is just a lot." I finished lamely. We had possibly run out of polite, personal conversation for two exes to have.

"Plus you are in a relationship. With…Alison." The name rolled bitterly off her tongue. I wasn't sure how to proceed. It was like having to defuse a potential bomb.

"Yeah." I hung my head and dropped my voice. "Yeah we are still together." A myriad of emotions seemed to pass over Paige's face. She hung her head, silently scoffing before looking pained.

"You didn't have to leave the bar the other night." I hesitantly suggested, searching her face. Her jawline was even more pronounced thanks to her training. She grimaced a bit.

"I know." She said curtly, trying to end the conversation. But I couldn't let it rest. We should be able to be in the same bar together. It had been over a year.

"I mean we are here now in the same room. I've missed you Paige."

"This is hardly the same." She admitted quietly. "This is practically business, helping out swimmers and preparing them for college. It isn't the same as watching you two cozy up over a couple of drinks…" She finished. She wasn't as angry as she was pretending. If I knew Paige at all, she was more upset than angry.

I began to reply, but thought better of it. It was a free country. Paige could do whatever she wanted. I really had no room to demand her to be okay with Ali dating me now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks so much to everyone who has been taking time to review and express interest in the story! I don't want to show my hand prematurely, but regarding the presence of Emison scenes in this story I will say this: Emily is not an Emison fan either; she just hasn't fully realized it yet. **

**Exactly what Paige has been up to romantically since going away will be explored at a later part of the story. **

**Thanks again! **

* * *

><p><em>The DJ put on a slow song, and everybody stilled before moving to their partner for the evening. I couldn't help but glance over at Noel Kahn and Alison, sitting at a table and talking close in each other's ears. Whatever Alison was whispering to him had him nodding and smiling one of the first genuine smiles I had seen on the guy. What was she up to now? What's the name of this game?<em>

"_May I have this dance?" I looked up at Paige, grabbing her outstretched hand with a smirk. She led me to the dance floor, gently pulling me to her, arms around my waist. I wrapped my arms around her neck, so close I could smell her citrus perfume and the traces of chlorine that seemed to cling to her skin. We stood under a gym ceiling saturated with fake stars, catching light and turning the whole building into a night sky. Dancing under the stars was the theme. _

_In just a few months, Paige would be cross country and so far away from me. My heart ached for the inevitable loss. After all the other indignities I suffered in the past two years, losing Paige to distance and time might end up being the worst. She had been the only sane thing in my life. My anchor. Apparently she was thinking about it too, wondering which dance would be our last. _

"_I love you Em." She stated gently, voice hoarse. I nodded against her shoulder, trying not to cry. I relaxed into her arms, trying to let my hurt slip away for one night._

"_I love you so much Paige." I traced the back of her neck with my fingernails, feeling the tiny hairs there stand up at the unexpected contact. She held my waist tighter, closing her eyes. We drifted slowly in circles, willing time to just stay still with us in the moment. _

_But of course the song ended, and we broke apart. _

"_I'm starving but I might settle for some punch in the meantime. You want anything?" She asked. _

"_A drink would be nice." I replied. She touched my hand and kissed me slowly before walking away._

I couldn't have known it then, but that was the last time Paige would ever kiss me.

* * *

><p>"EMILY!" Hanna shouted, barreling into me and nearly knocking me over. When she uncoiled herself from my torso I just smiled. Even though we had a tough time staying in touch during the year, Hanna had been the most understanding of Ali and I, and my decision to stay in Rosewood and go to Hollis instead of trying to apply late for Danby.<p>

After she pulled away, Spencer gave me a friendly, less vice-like hug. She looked vibrant. After her misstep of Radley and not getting into UPenn, she started at Hollis before quickly transitioning to Princeton.

We all sat down and I reached for Alison's leg under the table, tracing patterns up and down her thigh. It was always slightly tense, the five of us meeting up, especially with Spencer and Alison.

"I have something to tell you all." Aria said, starting the conversation. "I finally got the go ahead from my academic advisor…I'm going to study abroad in England this fall!" We all let out shocked, excited gasps.

"What?! You didn't tell me anything about this. The whole semester?" I sputtered.

"Yes the whole semester! I didn't want to jinx it by saying it out loud before." Aria replied. My stomach dropped as Spencer and Hanna congratulated her and Spencer started to badger her with questions about the program. Now Aria was moving on too. Part of me was happy for her, but the other part was jealous and somehow soured by the news. I couldn't help but compare where I was to where all my friends were, and it felt like I was falling behind in a race.

After the conversation lulled naturally, but before we could start another topic, Alison nudged me with her shoulder, nodding her head towards a couple of college boys at the bar. They were clearly checking us out.

"Seems like we still got it with the boys." She said to the group, smiling a bit. I just looked down, not really wanting to encourage her when she got like this. Alison was still a flirt, especially when she thought she might get a drink out of it. Of course, she would argue that it was just to get a free drink.

"I guess so…" Hanna said nervously, trying to put an end to it. I held Alison's hand tighter but she was already slipping away.

"Toby would hate if I took drinks from someone else at the bar." Spencer said, staring pointedly at Alison. She broke away from me and stood up.

"Relax. It's just free drinks. Emily understands." She said, smiling and walking up to the guys who smiled like alligators when she approached, her short dress not leaving much to the imagination. The same one I would probably be taking off her later. But the boys wouldn't know the difference.

"That's awful. I don't understand why you are still under her spell..." Spencer stated, her judgmental gaze making me feel humid and uncomfortable. I knew Spencer had been waiting to start this up again.

"Drop it Spencer. Like she said it's just a little fun and a free drink." I wouldn't let her know how much it hurt when Ali did this, because I couldn't give them even an inch of complaint about Alison. They were constantly waiting for confirmation that she was a terrible person, and our relationship was toxic.

"It's obvious why Em is still under her spell and we aren't…what Ali is selling we aren't buying…" Hanna said flippantly, watching Alison sway back and forth in front of the guys.

"Hanna!" Aria exclaimed.

"What? It's true!" Hanna said, sipping her drink.

Pretty soon there were shots for all of us, and two boisterous frat brothers sitting with us.

Ali touched my leg under the table, but I purposely inched away from her. She turned to me, looking puzzled by my behavior. I would usually let this sort of thing slide, but now our friends were here and I felt embarrassed. Once we took the shots, I went up and ordered another drink. I was supposed to drive home but I'd call a cab. It seemed like a good night to drink more than I usually would, especially since I didn't start work till the late afternoon tomorrow.

* * *

><p>Later on, I excused myself from the table and walked out on the patio hoping the fresh air would help me sober up a little. The doors separating the indoor and outdoor seating were open, and I could still see the group inside from where I was standing. The night air was warm and there was a light breeze. By all standards it was a perfect summer evening. From my peripheral, I noticed a dark figure approaching me. I glanced up and was relieved and surprised to see Paige standing in front of me.<p>

"This seems to keep happening." She stated, smiling a little bit. We hadn't talked after our conversation ended on a bad note by the pool, but a few days seemed to ease the tension from that day. She was so beautiful, in a black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to expose her toned, tanned forearms. She must get to the beach a lot, like she talked about doing back in high school when she would dream about California.

"Paige! What are you doing here?" I could smell the vodka and peppermint on my breath from my previous drinks, and was embarrassed I was so drunk and Paige was so sober.

"Meeting up with someone." She glanced inside and must have seen the table we were at. Probably saw Alison sitting there with the other girls, having dismissed the frat brothers after she noticed it was bothering me. Paige would have never done something like that in the first place, I thought to myself. "I didn't realize you guys were in here. We…I'm out on the patio." She added, nervously glancing towards the patio seating area. I wondered who she was meeting up with.

"You guys look pretty buzzed…who's driving?" She asked.

"I'm the designated driver extraordinaire." I hiccupped.

"Emily. Are you kidding me right now?" Paige asked, beside herself.

"Not one bit." I said, shaking my head and smiling. "But I was going to just catch a cab."

"Well okay. That isn't necessary …I can give you guys a ride home. That way I'll know you made it safe." She said. As she did, she lifted her hand to touch my arm and reassure me. She recoiled after realizing what she was about to do, dropping the offending arm down. My breath caught in my throat for a second. The incomplete gesture made me realize how close we were standing.

Alison was a master at making me jealous, but she usually couldn't be made jealous herself. But Paige and I's history had always gotten under her skin. I bet if she glanced over and noticed me talking to Paige, it would drive her crazy. Let alone if Paige gave us a ride home.

"That's okay. I don't want to impose or break up your night prematurely." I offered, glancing up at her from under my eyelashes. She stepped forward even closer. I felt dizzy, being tipsy and so close to Paige again. I could still smell her fresh, citrus perfume. Somehow her scent made me nostalgic after all this time. It drove me crazy for months after she left, smelling the perfume on strangers when out at a restaurant or shopping. It had made me long for something I had lost.

"I'm sorry I got upset at the pool. I mean…it's been two years. It's history. You ended up being right anyway. Alison was one of the good guys." Her eyebrows were slightly arched; her eyes were closed as she spoke.

"You have nothing to apologize for Paige. You never have." My voice was heavy with a heady mixture of wanting and pain. After all this time, Paige was still conditioned to always take it out on herself. She hung her head, nodding.

"It's nice of you to say that. I better get back to my table. Have a good evening. Please let me know when…well just make sure you guys get home safe." She said, turning on her heel to walk away. I almost let her.

"Paige." I said softly. She turned around and waited. "Can we get together soon? Maybe at that karaoke bar outside of town? I want…" I trailed off, not really sure to finish that statement. Her face broke into a grin, the wide one I always loved seeing on her face.

"That sounds great. I'd like that very much." She replied. I smiled too. Her happiness was infectious.

"Great. I'll call you."

"Great." She said again. Someone touched my shoulder and I winced before realizing it was probably one of my friends.

"Hey what are you doing out here? Ready to go yet?" Spencer asked, nudging my shoulder. She glanced up and saw Paige.

"Oh! Hey Paige." She said, nodding at her.

"Hey Spencer. Have a good evening. Get home safe." Paige said before finally walking back to her table. She was sitting with some brunette I didn't recognize. I frowned a bit.

"I see…" Spencer said, smiling even wider. I pinched her side and she yelped.

"Can it. We ran into each other a couple times this summer. No biggie." I offered, but I could already tell Spencer was trying to analyze my expression for clues.

"If you say so…she looks really good. California must be treating her well. Let's go." She pulled me towards the exit.

"Who do you think that was she was with?" I asked suddenly.

"How would I know? Maybe a friend from college who happens to live in this area…or a cousin?"

"Yeah…maybe." I shrugged and followed her to the taxi.

* * *

><p>When we got back home, Alison and I creeped quietly through the house till we got to my bedroom. I shut the bedroom door, and Alison was on me in seconds, pressing me against the door.<p>

"It turns me on to see you jealous." She whispered, kissing my neck and slipping a hand under my shirt. My abs clenched deliciously under her feather light touch. Alison was always teasing, even in the bedroom. Her touch was waking up a desire in me. I hated that she could make me feel so good by first making me feel so low.

"I don't like when you do stuff like that." I said, pulling back so I looked her right in the eyes as I said it. Her expression lost its playful gleam, transitioning to a look of sincerity.

"Then punish me." She whispered, her voice dripping with suggestion. I moved forward, pushing her to the bed.

"I'm serious Alison." I said, even as I was kissing her and giving in.

"I am too." She replied.

"I ran into Paige on the patio." I breathed. Now Alison pulled back.

"Oh. And? Did she turn on her heel again?" She asked, smirking a little bit. If I knew her as well as I sometimes thought I did, this would bother her.

"No we walked. We are going to try and meet up sometime this week. Catch up on things." I casually mentioned. For once, I wanted Alison to feel how she always made me feel.

"Oh. That's good I guess." She murmured, trying to kiss me again. I pulled back.

"Not tonight, okay? I think I just need some water and sleep…I don't feel so good." I stated. It was partially true; I really should go to sleep soon so work wouldn't be agony tomorrow.

"Okay." Alison looked a bit hurt, and I instantly felt a little bad. I should feel bad. I was trying to crack her hard shell and I had succeeded, hurting her in the process. But really, it had been years. I should be able to hang out with Paige and not be made to feel bad about it.

We crawled into bed without say much more, and I feel into a restless sleep after staring up at the ceiling for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

"I can't believe we're doing this." I said, drunk with lust as I touched Paige for the first time since senior prom.

Paige moved, grinding hard against me. I groaned and urged her on. She was relentless, teeth and tongue covering my neck and throat, leaving bite marks I couldn't possibly begin to explain to Alison.

"I never got enough of you back then." She whispered in my ear before playfully biting down on my ear lobe.

"Fuck…take me Paige. I need you inside." I couldn't really tell if I had spoken out loud or not, but soon she was pushing my ruined panties to the side to press inside me. She gasped at her reception, starting a deliberate, controlled rhythm.

"Fuck Em. You're so wet. I missed you too." She pushed another finger in me, and I clenched and released around her, unable to control myself. As soon as we had ended up here, she started to drift away from me, her image seeming to melt away.

* * *

><p>I woke up tangled in my sheets, slick with sweat. Alison was at the desk, reading something on her laptop. She glanced up when she noticed me stirring. Here I was with the girl I had wanted for all those years, but I was still fantasizing about my ex-girlfriend. I hadn't had a sex dream of Paige since high school, but that one had left me wet and wanting.<p>

"Good morning." Alison said. "Want some coffee? Breakfast?" She continued.

"Ali…I'll go make myself something after showering, thanks." I walked out to the hall, barely able to look her in the eyes. I felt flushed and guilty, like I really had cheated on her. I hopped into the shower, briefly entertaining the notion of just running it cold, flushing the carnal thoughts out of my head. Instead, I let the warm water flow over my skin as I let my hands roam, thinking about Paige again.

Alison and Paige were so different at everything…including sex. Alison was more a femme, a bottom. Ali counted on me wanting to worship her. It didn't always leave much leftover for when she would touch me. With Paige…I was the one getting worshipped. Well…it was more equal in terms of attention. Paige was so gentle, me being her first. But it had always driven me wild knowing Paige could sometimes get rough with me, once she had the basics down. In fact, I would never forget the time we snuck back into the locker room after practice…

I battled the urge to touch myself by focusing on my feeling for Alison. Alison had been with me as we finally stopped A. Despite how the others felt about her tactics, she always had our best interest in mind with her plan. Even if she could have simplified the process by just telling us what she knew to begin with. She was in love with me…right? A thought pulled itself forward from my subconscious before I could even stop it: things with Alison aren't working. I wouldn't have had that dream if things were working. I sighed and turned the faucet so the water would turn cold the rest of the time, trying to freeze out my terrible thoughts.

* * *

><p>"Sex dreams don't always mean you want to have sex with someone. They usually mean you need to resolve something with them. And that couldn't be truer with you and Paige." Hanna said, dismissing my confession.<p>

"Yeah I guess so." I said, not really sure if that was all there was to it. We had met up for coffee after my shift finished at the Brew. Hanna was a great customer since she was willing to try any latte concoction I was experimenting with at that given moment. Not that I wanted to keep perusing being a barista, but it was fun work at times.

"Em…how are things with Alison? And don't just get defensive. I won't jump down your throat like Spencer or even Aria." She said, sipping her drink. I smiled. Hanna could be glib, but she was a little more sensitive when it came to this stuff.

"I don't know. I just feel like…she doesn't want to move forward. And like she still gets a kick out of flirting with guys whether or not I'm around, like we are back in high school and it is all unrequited." I sighed, taking a sip of my coffee just to have something to do while I let my grievances hang in the air. Hanna was spinning her to-go cup in small circles while she thought, her brow furrowed.

"Yeah…that was the vibe I was getting." She paused before continuing. "Listen. You are a catch. And we are young. Don't forget that." She took a drink while I pondered her implications.

"I can't help but wonder if things could have turned out differently, or life just pushes you a certain direction no matter what" I murmured.

"What do you mean?" Hanna asked, looking puzzled.

"I just…I wonder how different my life could have been. Without A…without my shoulder injury…" I said, trying to imagine it. I would probably have still been with Paige.

"You mean if you had gone to Stanford or even Danby?" Hanna finished, nodding at me to continue.

"Yeah…but then I wouldn't have coaching or the Brew. I do like parts of my life here a lot. But I also just feel stuck." I glanced down, suddenly interested in the table. I felt like a failure, admitting college and things with Alison weren't what I wanted them to be. Hanna touched my hand.

"Em…just relax. We are in college. This is time for figuring it out…not already having it figured it out." She smiled, trying to reassure me.

"You are incredibly insightful. No wonder you ended up in Ivy League." She nodded, and then her face broke out into a big smile.

"Thanks! But actually I need some love advice as well…"

"Seriously? What's up?" Caleb and Hanna's relationship had been going smoothly since beginning college. I can't imagine they would be having trouble.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out!" Hanna leaned in close, conspiratorially. "Caleb's been acting weird lately. Shifty." She elaborated. I shook my head.

"That doesn't really mean anything. Maybe he's just stressed, trying to run his phone repair service or whatever he is doing for money." I responded. Caleb was attending class, but still earning money the same old way he did in high school.

"Maybe that's it. But I'm telling you something is up. I can sense it." She seemed certain of herself.

"Have you tried just talking to him? It couldn't hurt to ask." I knew being direct and honest weren't exactly hallmarks of any of our relationships, but it was worth suggesting.

"Like it is ever that easy..."

* * *

><p>"So I'm going to meet up with Paige tonight…" I studied Alison, trying to pick up on her mood. She had on her patent poker face, but her icy mannerisms were saying it all.<p>

"Oh yeah. I'm actually going out too. Those guys from the bar the other days are going to some house party." I felt like I had been punched in the gut, a flushed, panicked feeling spreading through my body.

"What? The frat guys from the bar?" I tried to sound normal, but my throat was dry and my tongue seemed to stick to the roof of my mouth while I tried to articulate the words. Alison was trimming her nails, using the activity to avoid eye contact.

"Yeah they were cool."

"Is that really…I mean they clearly…" I tried to think of a way of accusing them of wanting to get in her pants. But I knew Alison. If I did that…it would give her an opening to imply the same about Paige. Joke was on her for that false assumption. Paige didn't seem to care less about seeing me anymore. She was probably agreeing to this out of pity.

"They know we are dating. I told them. They are cool with it." She said nonchalantly. That is what killed me. That she acted like that was the end of it.

"Sure they are. Of course they are. What frat guys don't love some hot girls dating and willing to flirt?" I scoffed. I regretted it as soon as I said it, realizing instantly I had tip-toed over an invisible line. Alison stopped filing her nails and looked up at me, her blue eyes stormy and angry.

"I'm not up to anything. Just remember that while you get her out of your system." With that she grabbed her purse and slammed the door, knowing my parents weren't home so they wouldn't get concerned by the sound of the door.

Anger and guilt coursed through me in equal measure. I felt like my blood was soaked with a toxic poison I was so upset. I tried to shake it off while I got ready to see Paige.

* * *

><p>When I walked into the bar, I saw Paige had snagged the same booth we sat in the first time we came here. Back then she was nervous and shifty, playing with her drink to occupy her energy. Now she looked confident, calm. She leaned back against the booth, staring out at the rest of the bar. I felt an unexpected rush of butterflies. The whole time I was driving here, after I cooled down after my fight with Alison, I was more excited than I should be to see an old friend.<p>

"I see our booth was free." I said as I took a seat. She smiled at me, tucking some hair behind her ear.

"Yeah…I figured it would poetic." She admitted. "Can I get you something to drink?" She added, gesturing towards the bar. Why not? A drink might calm my nerves.

"That would be great. Rum and coke?" Paige nodded and went towards the bar, coming back with two.

"Thanks for meeting me. And the drink." I said, taking a sip.

"Of course. I mean I would probably run into you again anyway, at the rate we are going." Paige added. She still seemed confident, but she seemed to be avoiding eye contact with me. Maybe she was nervous too?

"So how have you been? How's California and Stanford?" I asked.

"It's good. Great actually. I'm not sure where to start…swimming is demanding but I love it. I have to tell you most of the time I'm exhausted though…it makes going to Ivy League level classes pretty difficult." She was starting to open up to me again. I couldn't begin to imagine how tired she must always be.

"Doesn't leave much time for a social life, huh?" Or to return phone calls or texts…though I realized that was probably her way of dealing with me dating Alison. Besides, I gave up on trying to contact her early in our freshman year. She smiled a secretive sort of grin. Like she had an inside joke she wasn't sharing.

"I wouldn't necessarily say that…I mean a social life is so much more engaging than say…" We both said math class at the same time. Paige rolled her eyes at me.

"Still finishing my sentences?" She asked, grinning.

"Well I guess I still know some things about you." I said, pretending to be smug.

"You've always known me best." She said. For a moment the air around us seemed to still. It was another loaded comment, and her smile dropped a bit before picking back up. She looked down at the table.

"Um…so how's Hollis? Seems like you have a lot on your plate outside of class." I realized she was trying to avoid asking directly about Alison.

"It's good. I wish I was living on campus or even in an apartment…right now it just feels like this weird extension of high school." I explained. I wanted to tell her about feeling like a big fish in a shrinking bowl…how I felt I would burst out my room any second. How Alison made me feel more constrained sometimes, even while our relationship (especially the physical side), distracted me from the anxious feelings.

"Why don't you move out? I'm sure between coaching and working at the Brew you could make it work…you would get to decorate however you wanted." She said. I felt the pressure building under my skin, to explain it was Alison who didn't want to move forward, and that she relied on me and my family for protection and security. Instead:

"I guess that's a good point. No puffy drapes if I got to decorate myself..." She grinned at the reference and nodded.

"Exactly. Drapes however…beds wherever." I laughed even though the comment made me blush a bit too.

* * *

><p>Another drink and much more conversation later, we began to get up. But I didn't want the night to be over. It felt great to be around Paige again. To know that she really was doing well now that she had definitively escaped Rosewood.<p>

"Hey…do you want to maybe go by the lake house? I mean it is still early and I bet the view would be beautiful tonight." Paige smiled that knowing smirk again at my invitation.

"Sure…stargazing. I actually rode my bike though. Can you give me a lift?" She nodded towards her mode of transportation.

"Yeah no problem." I felt giddy while we drove, and once we got there we walked down the familiar, small wooden pier of her aunt's lake house. The sky was clear and the air was still warm, the moon and stars illuminating us and the woods. We sat on wooden crates, nearly touching and just looking up at the stars.

"It's beautiful." Paige said quietly, staring up at the sky and the stars. She looked just as unattainable and beautiful as the night sky. I hated thinking it, but I was still frustrated with Ali who I hadn't heard from all night. I had sent her a few texts asking how the party was and if everything was okay, but she was probably still upset.

Paige turned to me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I haven't exactly been truthful with you." She stated. Her voice was hesitant and hoarse. A million thoughts seemed to fizz against one another in my mind.

"Truthful about what?" I asked.

"How great Stanford is…it's not everything I wanted. I mean…I love it but it isn't perfect." She explained, making more eye contact. Her brown eyes looked so sad, so vulnerable.

"Nothing's perfect." I quipped, but she shook her head.

"True nothing's perfect…but it feels like the accomplishments are empty." She closed her eyes while she talked to me, apparently pained by what she was saying." I used to think that swimming, that winning was all that mattered to me. That I would go to Stanford and win meets and meet someone and everything would be fine." Oh.

"And?" I asked, my heart beating a little faster.

"I realized that what really mattered to me was being with you. Because without you next to me, those things didn't mean nearly as much." Paige reached out and touched my hand gently. After a beat she looked down at our hands, sighed sadly, and pulled hers away, murmuring an apology.

"You don't have to apologize…I…it was instinct. Habit. I'm sorry things haven't been working out quite yet. Just give it more time." I said. I almost convinced myself.

"That's what I keep telling myself. And it isn't all bad." She looked lost in thought for a moment, her eyes still sad. Then she shook her head and spoke again. "Listen why don't we go for a swim?" She asked, nodding out towards the water in front of us. It looked like dark glass, reflecting the moonlight in little silver glimmers.

"We don't have swimsuits though." I blushed. Was she wanting to skinny dip? I definitely wouldn't trust myself with that after my dream…though I was curious about what the rigors of division one swimming had done to Paige's already sculpted body.

"We have the clothes we are wearing." She said, taking off her shoes and socks.

"You can't be serious." But I saw she was serious as she shrugged in an exaggerated, suit yourself sort of gesture and jumped in the water, splashing me a bit.

I hadn't been swimming since high school. Occasionally I would tread water before or after practice, trying to make sure I didn't lose all touch with swimming. And I ran to keep up my health. But I generally tried not to test my shoulder too much, especially since I was never going to compete again.

"It's nice I'm telling you!" Paige said, treading to keep herself afloat. I rolled my eyes and took off my flats. Instead of jumping I went around to the shore, slowly walking in to get acclimated. Paige swam over.

"Have you been swimming at all?" She asked. I explained about my hesitance to test my shoulder without reason and she nodded.

"Don't strain yourself. We are just having fun." She was so serious, but I could tell she loved being in the water. It was amazing to think there was a time Paige doubted wanting to swim at all. We doggy paddled and threaded the water, talking more about Paige's teammates and how I thought the Sharks were going to do this season.

Suddenly my left calf seized up, a brilliant burst of pain sucking the air out of my lungs.

"Shit! Leg cramp." I hissed, starting to flail my arms around which aggravated my bad shoulder. I grimaced, the pain a tight clenching throughout my calf muscle.

"Hold on I got you." Paige swam over, scooping me up with her strong arms and pushing me to the shore. She laid me down on the sand, leaning over and massaging my calf. At first it felt tighter; her hand on the seized up muscle, but soon her touch began to relax it.

"Thanks…that is helping." I was barely able to talk, my eyes closed as I thanked my lucky stars the pain had finally stopped. Paige's massage was dwindling, turning into more of a caress up and down the outside of my leg. Her breathing grew a little ragged. I opened my eyes and realized what kind of position we were in. Paige's dripping wet body was flush on top of mine, her arm reaching down to touch my leg. Her eyes met mine and she took her hand off my leg.

"There." She said, not getting up. Instead she lifted herself up so we were looking in each other's eyes, having a silent conversation. I knew we should pull away and Paige started to.

I grabbed the back of her neck and stopped her from getting up. I wasn't strong enough to actually pull her down on me, so instead I lifted my head up and we met in the middle. The second our lips touched Paige groaned against mine. She kissed me with a series of small, close-mouthed pecks before deepening the kiss. I moaned, meeting her tongue with mine, my hand now gripping her hair to keep her tight against me.

It was intoxicating. Whether it was because it had been so long or we had reconnected so well. Or because it was wrong…I was cheating on Alison. Paige whimpered, trying to touch as much of me as possible in these few, precious moments, her hands frantically running up and down my sides to squeeze my hips and caress my arms.

Then she pulled away. Her brown eyes were dark with lust, her expression clouded as she glanced from my eyes to my lips and back. She shook her head, pushing herself up.

"No. No. Nope. No. Not this. Not again." She muttered, grabbing her shoes and socks to put back on.

"Paige…I'm sorry I…" She shook her head, her eyes wet with tears she was trying not to cry.

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one that kissed the girl with the girlfriend. The same girl that left me for that girlfriend. I'm sorry to be such a fool." Her voice was raspy, defeated.

"You aren't a fool…Paige wait…" I got up and reached out limply to touch her. She pulled back, wincing.

"Just…do me a favor and pop the trunk so I can get my bike out." I realized there was no reasoning with her right now. The warm vulnerability was gone, replaced with steely resolve. I couldn't believe how much it paralleled Alison's iciness from earlier. I hit the button, and Paige grabbed her bike. She looked up at me before getting on.

"I'm sorry Em." She said, pulling away before I could respond. I sat there for a few moments, trying to comprehend all that had just happened. My heart was heavy as I finally pulled myself into my car. Then my phone buzzed in the cup holder I had sat it in.

Alison: Em…I'm sorry for earlier. Things were lame at the party. I'm on my way home now. I love you.

I shook my head as I started to cry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Note: Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites. I sincerely appreciate them. I know you guys have expressed some legit concerns about Paige's behavior. Please have patience with me. I can't promise I have an amazing storyline (I'll be content with mediocre), but I can promise I have an explanation. But since this is the "all Em, all the time" 1****st**** person perspective, we won't find out what's going on till Emily does.**

**The way Paige reacted to the comment about having a social life was a hint.**

* * *

><p>I finally stopped crying and being too torn up to drive after what seemed like hours but had only actually been twenty minutes. I started my car and began the drive home, trying to figure out how on earth to tell Alison what had happened. Even after her surprisingly sweet, apologetic text, I couldn't just keep the truth from her. I couldn't not tell her what I had done. What I had silently asked Paige to do.<p>

Paige had never been as jealous of Alison as Alison had been of her. And still was. Paige had a shockingly high sense of security when it came to our relationship, even when I gave her all the reason in the world to distrust me. Alison would get irritated at the very mention of Paige. She was smart…she never talked down about her or uttered that awful nickname she gave her. But I could tell however much she tried to hide it; she would always consider Paige a threat.

I got home and snuck up the stairs. I walked into my room and there Alison was, just staring out the window. She turned around and just looked at me, up and down. I wondered if she would be able to smell Paige's scent on me.

"Alison…" I started; both hesitant and hopeful that just getting it off my chest might make some of the guilt go away.

"Em…I'm so sorry about the way I acted earlier." She walked up and kissed me so gently on the lips. "It was stupid to not see how insensitive I was being." She kissed me again, slipping my purse off my shoulder while grabbing me around the hip. Still gentle as if she would or could break me.

"Alison I did something…" But she was already pushing me towards the bed, shaking her head. Then she looked up in my eyes, a ghost of a smile dancing across her lips. A Cheshire cat grin.

"Let's forget about it." She said. I forgot my desire to tell her that night. But I didn't forget how Paige's touch felt. It woke up something instinctual in me. Alison was fire and ice, extremes that burned and melted. But Paige was not an extreme. She was quirky and sometimes cheesy, but she didn't come with a warning label or edges that cut and sliced.

Alison wasn't sharp now. She was soft and curves, having put away the verbal daggers she kept sleeved up and waited for opportunities to use. She straddled my lap and thoughts of anything else melted away as my hips bucked, almost against my will. Alison's hold on me was incredible. Her long blonde hair tickled my face as she kissed me, working her way down.

* * *

><p><em>Once Paige had excused herself for the punch bowl, Noel slinked up to where I was sitting. Spencer, Aria, and Hanna were all dancing with their respective boyfriends so I was alone.<em>

"_Emily you look beautiful." Noel said, trying to not sound like a slime ball for once, which I did appreciate._

"_What do you possibly want Noel?" I asked, afraid he would confront me for snooping in his things to try and get information about Alison. _

"_Alison is in Fitz's classroom and she needs to talk to you." I rolled my eyes at him._

"_That's rich. No thanks." I fired back. I looked away from him, hoping to dismiss him with my body language. It didn't work; he just kneeled in front of me to make me look him in the eyes. He actually looked sincere._

"_Emily please. She has proof." _

"_Of what?"_

"_That she isn't A. That she really has been looking out for you guys. That she…" He trailed off, stopping his thought midsentence. My heart sped up. Even though I have every reason to hate Alison, she was my first love. I could never hate her. That was part of the problem. "I better let her tell you that last part. But please…she wants you because you will give it a chance." _

"_Okay." I said, getting up. I glanced around but there was a crowd swarming the punch bowl, so I didn't see Paige. I went down the hallways and saw Alison waiting in the classroom. She was breathtaking in her dress for prom, and I wouldn't be shocked if her and Noel won king and queen despite all they had done to torment people at our school._

"_Emily." She whispered. Her demeanor was serious. I folded my arms over my chest._

"_Noel said you have some kind of proof. Make it quick." Alison handed me a series of black and white pictures. There was no mistaking it, it was A…and the pictures must be security camera footage from a gas station or something. The familiar black hoodie is the giveaway. After a couple shots, someone else walks up to A, and they take the mask off…I gasp and drop the pictures._

"_Ali…are you sure?" She nods. _

"_Positive. In fact I always suspected…but think about it. It all makes sense." She said. I was nearly hyperventilating, and hoping she wouldn't unload too much information on me at once. My knees buckled and I held onto Fitz's desk for support. _

"_Why didn't you tell us? It was almost like you were protecting them…that's why we thought it was you." I pleaded. She started tearing up and my heart ached for how we froze her out. She had been sincere. _

"_I couldn't. A wouldn't let me. Em…" She paused and hesitantly touched my hand. "I love you." My stomach lurched with a heat, a carnal desire I couldn't deny. _

"_Ali…" I turned my hand so our fingers could intertwine. _

"_You finally called me Ali again…" She said before we kissed. It was like fireworks in my chest. I remember reading some magazine where Johnny Depp said if you fell in love with two people, choose the second person. You wouldn't have fallen for the second if you still loved the first._

_The problem was, at this point, I'm not sure who was second and who was first. Alison was my first unrequited love, and then Paige was my love after Maya. But Paige was real, requited, equal love. I never worried Paige would go behind my back. I never worried she wouldn't tell me the truth. Unconditional love. Then Alison came back and things shifted and slide and imploded under their heavy weight and confusion. _

_But I felt something when Ali kissed me then. I would live to regret this moment, but that something kept me with my mysterious, ice queen. Always waiting for her to melt for me. _

_We pulled apart, and I slowly opened my eyes. Paige. Ali took a moment to open hers. Paige was standing there, by the door but I could tell she had seen it all. _

_She didn't look shocked. Just…resolved. Like something had bothered her, but she had always half expected it to turn out that way anyway. Like she was a picky eater used to restaurants serving her incorrectly, and she had just seen a dish that had come out the wrong way yet again. Cynical and yet oddly smug about being right about something you really didn't want to be right about._

"_Paige…" It took me a second to realize Alison had spoken. And her tone seemed apologetic, for what it was worth. _

_Paige just nodded one curt, vicious nod before turning on her heel and walking away. Alison looked down, knowing she couldn't do anything for us right now. _

_I took off after Paige, shuffling down the hall. _

"_Paige please…I'm so sorry…I can explain baby please." I wasn't sure why I said baby. We never called each other pet names but I was desperate. She stopped walking for a moment, her shoulders sagging down towards the floor. She wouldn't look up at me._

"_No Emily. Nope. Not this. Not again." She refused to talk to me anymore or even look at me. I tried to stop her from walking, putting out my arm to halt her. She pushed it away and kept walking, shaking her head in disgust. _

* * *

><p>The next morning when I woke up my mind was blissfully blank for a moment. Till the reality of what happened yesterday crashed over me. I frowned, untangling myself from Alison to get up. We had physically reconciled, but other than cuddling afterwards I didn't feel anything to suggest we had overcome our issues emotionally. My moving stirred her and she slowly opened her eyes and looked at me, smiling.<p>

"Good morning beautiful."

"Alison. Last night…" I started, not sure what I was actually going to say.

"Was good. It always is." She smiled, reaching out to push some hair back from my face. "Come here." She whispered, pulling me to her. I tried to relax in her embrace.

"Em?" She asked.

"Yeah?" I responded, not looking up at her. I was looking at one of my Rosewood Sharks flyers on my memo board.

"Let's start looking at apartments." I nearly fell off the bed, startled with disbelief. I looked up at her, and she was already smirking, one side of her mouth pulled up.

"Seriously?" She just nodded, kissing my forehead.

"Why now?" I asked, nervously swallowing as I spoke.

"Because…" She trailed off, pulling away from me only to grab both my hands with hers and roll her body flush on top of mine, pining me down under her. Her blonde hair fell down around her face, nearly tickling mine. It reminded me of the time she pulled me from the barn. I hadn't been sure if she was an angel, devil, or just a dream. I still wasn't sure.

"Because you deserve to get what you want. And we could decorate it with a Paris theme." I rolled my eyes, but started to smile. Alison's words warmed and bloomed in my stomach. Maybe this could work after all. Maybe what happened with Paige was just a fluke with someone I used to love and now had an overwhelming fondness for. I did something wrong and I was being rewarded.

"Is that okay?" She asked, and I just nodded, nervous and guilty. Waves of happiness fought waves of guilt and anxiety. I should talk to the others about what was going on. I pulled away from Alison and grabbed my phone. No texts from Paige.

I sent out one of the first group text messages to the group I had sent in years.

Me: Need to meet up ASAP to talk. Can you guys stop by the Brew later?

They all affirmed and I took off, claiming to Alison I just wanted to study for a bit at the Brew.

* * *

><p>Spencer stormed in first, unceremoniously dropping her bag on the table.<p>

"What'd she do to you?" She demanded. I was confused by her aggressive body posture, her arms folding over her chest.

"Hello to you Spencer." I answered, looking away from her. She sighed and sat.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to jump to conclusions. What's going on?" She asked, gentler.

"Aria and Hanna aren't even here yet." I said weakly. I didn't want to have to keep repeating something I felt so guilty about. And I figured if I told all three of them at once, I could get a group consensus on a reasonable course of action. Aria came in a few minutes later and sat.

"Of course Hanna is running the latest." She said, smiling.

"Well okay. One thing is that Ali…she said she wants us to finally get an apartment."

"Wow! I thought she'd never budge on that." Aria said.

"Is that really what you want though?" Spencer asked. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Spencer knock it off. I get it, you guys don't like her. You haven't fully forgiven her. But she's my girlfriend." I said harshly. Aria and Spencer both looked surprised at my outburst. And yet they didn't even know the real reason I called them over was to tell them Paige and I had kissed.

"Fine. I'm sorry Emily. I just want to make sure you are happy. You deserve to be happy. Not settling because…" Spencer trailed off, not wanting to complete her sentence. Aria did instead.

"Because of a sense of obligation. Because you feel bad about what happened to her and she was your first love." I opened my mouth to respond but just then Tim came over and set our drinks down. I thanked him quietly.

"You really feel that way too?" I asked, looking at Aria. If she also really felt I didn't love Alison…

Before we could talk more, the front door chimed, and Hanna came in. She looked dazed and disoriented, shambling like she was auditioning for a zombie movie.

"Hanna! Are you okay?" Aria said, getting up to touch Hanna's arm and guide her over. Then Aria looked down and gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.

"Uh yeah…better than okay. Caleb proposed to me this morning." As she said it, her dumbstruck expression finally melted into an elated smile.

"Oh my God Hanna! That ring is gorgeous. I could buy Toby a MUCH nicer truck for that thing." Spencer said, getting up and hugging her. I jumped up as well, hugging her so we formed a little huddle in the coffee shop. She had a traditional, silver band with a modest but shiny diamond set in the middle.

"How'd he do it?" Aria asked as we all sat down.

"He insisted we go up to Toby's cabin and that he had a surprise for me. He had it totally decked out, roses everywhere and a brunch that he ordered us. Mimosas. I kept thinking he was pulling away from me, but he must have been busy planning. Then we…you know…"

"Hanna we get that. Please don't elaborate." Spencer chirped sarcastically, but she was smiling.

"I'm fricken engaged!" Hanna nearly squealed, smiling and looking at her hand and ring.

"And I want you all to be in my wedding party." She said, smiling at each of us.

"Of course! It would be an honor." I replied. Spencer and Aria nodded as well. After that Hanna put in an order at the counter and sat back down.

"So what did you want to talk about Em?" Hanna asked, looking at me and giving me her full attention. I frowned a bit, unsure if I wanted to change the mood so drastically.

"Doesn't seem that important now. Alison wants to finally get an apartment together. That's all." I decided it was best to not bring up Paige. It was a mistake, an instinct that we hadn't gotten rid of. Even if kissing her made my heart beat faster, my skin flush.

"Oh…well that's great. I know you wanted to move out of your parent's house." Hanna responded, trying to be supportive.

"Yeah exactly. I still feel like I'm in high school half the time." Especially when I'm kissing my high school sweetheart out at the lake…

I shook my head, trying to clear my confused thoughts and just support Hanna. I would have to deal with everything else later.

* * *

><p>After getting back from meeting everyone, I threw my stuff down and changed into my running clothes. Maybe I should consider training for a race. I had gotten a little lax; figuring since I didn't have meets to train for I could go easy.<p>

I started a slow trot down the street, picking up my pace a bit once I got to the woods. The hot summer sun streamed through various trees, casting bright beams of light on various parts of the shadowy path. I half expected to see Paige any moment, but I didn't

Running helped my brain wander. I thought about Hanna and Caleb getting engaged, and felt the same pang of anxiety I had felt when Aria told us about traveling abroad. Like everyone was moving past me, and I was stuck in a nightmare where I was moving in slow motion. I would have to look up races to participate in when I got home, that would be a start to getting things back in order. That and apartment hunting. With Alison.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Holy shit THANKS for the reviews, follows, and favorites! Your words and encouragement are incredibly kind and considerate. I won't always be this quick with updates but here you go. **

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><p>I settled into the couch. It felt blissful to be off my feet and legs.<p>

"How was apartment hunting?" My mom asked gently, smiling as she set down some carrot sticks and ranch. My mom might have been all about good nutrition, but at least she compromised on ranch dressing.

"It felt like being caught inside a montage of hilariously awkward first dates…but with landlords. And with your girlfriend present." I said, shutting my eyes and flashing back to the garden unit that I had convinced Alison to look at because it was such a great deal. I only realized once we were there the current tenants appeared to be some bizarre cross between stoners and serial killers. Which seemed like mutually exclusive endeavors. I told my mom and she laughed appreciatively.

"Yep. Your father and I ran into some interesting situations ourselves when we were looking. Where is Alison?" She asked.

"Went upstairs to take a bath, likely to feel clean again." My mom and I never really discussed my relationship with Alison. She seemed to accept that it was happening, but the last thing she really ever said on the subject was back in high school, when she cautioned me about not getting caught up chasing an old love interest.

"Honey, I want you to know you are more than welcome to stay here with us. But I understand if that feels a little…stifling at your age." My mom touched my knee gently as she spoke.

"I know Mom. Thank you. Just didn't really pan out today, but there are still more places we can look at."

"Okay." As she left the room, my phone buzzed.

**Hanna:** Caleb and I are having an engagement party this Saturday. Nothing crazy, more just close friends and cocktails.

**Me:** Wow your wedding celebrations and it won't be crazy?

**Hanna:** Saving that for the bachelorette party DUH

I shook my head, only imagining what could be in store for us at the bachelorette party. At the very least, I wouldn't get as much enjoyment out of the experience.

**Me:** That sounds great. We will be there.

It had been a little awkward to tell Alison about the engagement after learning from Hanna at the coffee shop. I tried to play it off, saying Hanna probably didn't tell her right away because they wanted a small wedding. They wanted to tell the people that would be standing up for them first, and since Caleb was only had a few people he was close enough with to ask, Hanna was keeping it down to the three of us.

**Hanna:** Just as a heads up…Paige will be there. She is actually going to be standing up for Caleb…hope that's okay.

**Me:** Of course

I typed it out right away, but it took me a few moments to actually send it. I had a feeling Paige would be standing on Caleb's side, but it would be awkward. Alison was not going to be happy.

* * *

><p>When we arrived, Ms. Marin was waiting outside with a drink cart. What was up with our moms and drink carts?<p>

"Hey Emily. Hey Alison." She said warmly, hugging us both. Ms. Marin was still team Ali, having forgiven her for lying for so long once Alison explained she was trying to protect us.

"It means so much to have you both here. What can I make you ladies?" She said, gesturing towards the variety of alcohol and non-alcoholic drinks she had on the cart. We both asked for simple gin and tonics, and walked into the living room where everyone was gathered. I immediately looked around for Paige, but she must still be on her way. My nerves were working overtime at the thought of seeing her again after our kiss.

We sat down on one part of a couch that was not occupied, wedged between Lucas and Ezra. Toby, Spencer, Aria, and the couple of honor were all here crowded around the coffee table. Ms. Marin was the only parent who could make it on short notices, although Hanna assured us both her dad and Caleb's parents sent their regards. So instead it was really a group of old friends together again.

After a while, I became aware again of the fact that my three best friends had somehow managed to stay with their high school sweethearts. Maybe what we all went through with A bonded us too much, while simultaneously making us distrustful of strangers. None of us had close friends from college, at least that I was aware of. Caleb was having Toby, Lucas, and Paige stand up for him. All friends from high school, cemented together thanks to trauma.

After a while of all of sitting around and chatting over drinks, I saw Paige enter the room. For a moment, our eyes met and I became incredibly flushed. Then I noticed she was holding a girl's hand. The same girl she had been with at the bar when we ran into one another. Acid suddenly seemed to slosh around in my stomach as Paige said hi to the group and introduced Vanessa.

Alison looked over at Paige and nodded a curt nod. I touched Alison's hand, but she pulled hers away. I had decided not to tell her about Paige coming to the party. That way I only had to deal with her being irritated at the get together, not the days leading up to it as well.

Paige and Vanessa sat on the ground, their knees touching. More pangs of jealousy ran through me again. Vanessa leaned over a whispered something in Paige's ear. After a moment, Paige looked at her and nodded. They both started laughing a little bit. I had the feeling Paige had told Vanessa exactly who I was even before they got here.

Spencer broke my concentration by rapping on the wooden table till she had the room's attention.

"So now that we are all here. I just wanted to say congratulations to Caleb and Hanna. You two have shown us all that while the course of true love never runs smooth, it is worth it when you've found your match. The one you are willing to fight for and work with, the one that-" Spencer's speech was cut off by Hanna.

"Spencer! It isn't even the wedding yet! Save the good stuff." But the ear to ear grin Hanna had made it clear she was delighted at Spencer's thoughtful words. Spencer just rolled her eyes and sat down.

"Guys, thank you all for coming. Just relax and have fun." Caleb said, holding up his glass of champagne to all of us before taking a sip. I looked at Alison, trying to feel out her mood, but she was impossible to figure out when she didn't want to be figured out.

We quickly got wrapped up in conversations, but as I talked to Hanna I kept noticing Ezra looking over at Alison and me. I just brushed it off after a while. Everyone was getting a little tipsy, and Toby suggested we start some rounds of poker. Alison perked up at the mention of the game, eagerly volunteering herself for the first round.

I declined, not really interested in the game myself. Besides knowing Alison's skills, it was foolish to play against her. My eyes kept wandering over to Paige and Vanessa. They were mainly keeping to themselves, but I noticed after laughing at some joke together, Vanessa's hand found its way to Paige's knee and stayed there. She played poker one-handed, talking to Paige in between betting. Vanessa lost out in the first round, and Paige took her spot.

I could already tell Alison wasn't going to go easy on her, so I excused myself to get some air outside. I walked to Ms. Marin's back porch, sitting on the steps leading to the lawn. I looked up at the night sky. The evening wasn't going too bad so far, with Alison and Paige being in the same room. I heard someone cough behind me and I turned around.

"Hey." It was Ezra. He had walked up next to me and stood there, biting his lip and seeming unsure about what to say next.

"Ezra…I didn't see you there. What's up?" I asked, patting the spot next to me. He sat down a little awkwardly, trying to fold up his sinewy limbs. I had always appreciated that he was a bit of a dork. It helped take the edge off how weird it was to first learn he was dating Aria. Now I couldn't imagine Aria with anyone else.

"I'm going to just get to it. I know this is out of line but it's come to my attention you are planning to sign a lease with Alison?" I felt my stomach drop. Not him too. I nodded slowly to affirm.

"Don't do it." He said quietly but determinedly. He looked directly in my eyes as he said it, but dropped his eyes as soon as he finished the statement. I rolled my eyes and went to stand up, but he held his arm out to try and stop me from moving.

"Seriously Ezra? You too?" His arm hadn't actually touched me, but I kept seated anyway as I started to grow irritated, a heat pulsing through my blood.

"I know what it's like to be under her spell. And I know you feel a sense of obligation to be with her because of everything that happened. But she is fully capable of taking care of herself. In fact, I would wager that is her greatest skill. She may seem like she cares for other people…but if you got in her way, she would bulldoze you." He rolled his beer bottle back and forth in the palms of his hands, not looking up to me but instead out at the trees on the outskirts of the lawn.

"Have you been talking to Aria and Spencer about this?" Ezra looked surprised, but adamantly shook his head.

"Emily no. It isn't like that. I just needed you to hear me out. I remember what it was like to think I was the most important, interesting thing in her world." His last comment and its implications lodged in my brain, but I was already seeing red. He had at least conspired with Aria about this. They used the same wording and everything. I stormed away and back into the house, determined to take her aside and confront her. Ezra made a half-hearted attempt to stop me but quickly sat back down.

So what if he had some puppy crush on Alison years ago? And that she used to lead people on? She was different now. I saw Aria from down the hall. She was sitting in the living room, laughing with Spencer about something. Before I could get to her, an arm suddenly reached out from behind an open, dark doorframe and yanked me in, shutting the door behind me. It caught me so off guard I didn't even yelp, just letting out a shocked gasp before feeling the wooden door behind my back.

It was Paige.

"Em this is an engagement party. Keep that in mind before you go storm in there and cause a scene." She said quietly. Great. More unsolicited and unwanted advice.

"How did you even know what I was doing?" I said as I pulled my shoulder away from her hand. I wasn't even sure she had her hand on my shoulder, but I didn't even want to give her that.

"I was walking out this very door to go bring more cups and straws when I saw you charging. You didn't see me, but I know what expression well enough." I looked around and noticed we were in a cramped pantry.

"You don't even know what it is about."

"Try me then." I looked at her straight in her eyes. She looked frustrated and sad.

"I can't. It's about Alison." I said softly. She hung her head.

"Okay." She said in an irritated tone and tried to move past me. This time I stopped her, touching her waist with my hand. She looked down at my arm and then back up into my eyes.

"Yes?" She asked.

"It's not easy seeing you here with a date. I never…I mean I know you've moved on but it still hurts." I whispered. It really confused me, how much it affected me to see her with someone else. I had never seen Paige look at another girl like that. My mental images of her were frozen from two years ago, when she was devoted to me. To us.

Her eyes met mine and my breathing hitched. We were standing so close I could feel her breath on my neck.

"It does?" She finally asked, her voice hoarse and low. She glanced down at my lips, then back up. My core clenched in a delicious, automatic response of want. My hand was still on her waist, and I took a risk, lightly moving my hand along her side, stroking her gentle through the thin fabric of her shirt. She took another tiny step towards me. I started to slip my thumb under the hem of her shirt. I could feel her soft skin radiating heat. She was leaning in, and soon we would be kissing again. Her lips caressed my own so softly at first, it tickled.

A loud thump at the door startled me so much my hand jerked and landed on Paige's bare stomach, underneath her shirt. Her abs were so hard and her eyes fluttered shut as she leaned into my touch. Our lips were still grazing, but neither of us pressed them together, trying to resist the impulse. Our heavy breathing made our lips brush and caress, and even that was making me dizzy.

"Paige? You get those cups?" Lucas said through the door, rattling the knob. Paige put her arms on either side of me and braced the door so he wouldn't open it.

"Yes I'll be out in a second." She said, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Okkkaaayyy then." Lucas said before walking off down the hall. Paige looked down at my hand, still on her stomach, before stepping back to grab the cups and straws.

"Weren't you playing poker anyway?" I asked.

"I was. Alison wiped me out in the first round." She responded, her expression unreadable. Then she left. I gave myself a few moments to collect myself before going back out as well.


	8. Chapter 8

Once the party finally wore down, Alison and I went home. I was physically tired from the night, but mentally I was all over the place. Once we returned from the pantry, Paige was noticeably less physical with Vanessa. Alison also managed to beat everyone but Spencer in poker. She was a gracious loser, especially since they had still managed to beat every guy in the room at cards.

"Coming to bed?" Alison asked, a hint of suggestion in her voice. I smiled and shook my head.

"I'm still kind of wired. I think I'm going to stay up for a while, work on some drills for swim camp this coming week." Alison leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. It didn't tingle like Paige's kisses did, but Alison and I had been dating for a couple of years now. Those kinds of intense, powerful tingles faded after a while.

"So diligent even in the lazy summer." I went upstairs, kissing her goodnight before grabbing my laptop and notebook with swimmer stats inside. After making myself a cup of tea I went to work on figuring out some workouts to suggest we incorporate into the camp. As hard as I was on her, Sydney was now one of our star swimmers. I had to make sure we doing anything we could to keep her at peak condition, and ready to help lead the other girls.

I also started browsing some apartment listings, seeing if there were any worthwhile for Alison and I to look at this week. We both liked the layout of Ezra and Aria's respective apartments, but their buildings were full. I had to focus on Alison. What happened with Paige was intense, but it was wrong. I shouldn't have gotten so close to kissing her again. She would be gone again in a couple of months anyway.

My phone buzzed. It was nearly 2 am.

Paige: Are you still up?

My heart felt like it was in my throat.

Me: Yes.

Paige: I'm outside.

I nearly dropped my phone, setting it on the table and peeking through our peephole. Sure enough Paige was standing there, head dipped a bit and her hands in her pockets. I opened the door and stepped out on the porch, closing it softly behind me so I wouldn't wake anyone up.

"Paige…what are you doing here?" I asked, wrapping my arms around my body. It had grown a bit chilly in the dead of night.

"I came just to talk. I won't try anything." She held her hands up, palms facing me in surrender. Instead of continuing, she just regarded me with the same puppy dog eyes I fell in love with in high school.

"Alright. Let's talk." I murmured. She shrugged like she was giving up and surrendering to this conversation.

"I've missed you. I can't pretend I don't want you or I haven't been thinking about that kiss and what nearly happened in the pantry tonight." She said, looking at the ground. I couldn't believe her. Where was this coming from? She was clearly seeing someone now that she was back in town anyway. She had never reached out to me.

"You never returned my calls. You never tried to talk to me or visit…" Paige started shaking her head, looking genuinely confused.

"But I did." She said shortly, looking me in the eyes. "She didn't tell you, did she? Unbelievable." She added, sticking her hands in her pockets and almost shrugging her shoulders helplessly.

"What do you mean?"

"Last summer, I came home after my freshman year. I know I didn't answer your messages or texts…I wasn't ready. I kind of just hoped whatever might have been going on between you two had ended. I came here to your house. I wanted to apologize for storming off at prom and avoiding you since then." She took a breath and paused before continuing.

"I needed time away from you, but months passed and you were always, always in the back of my mind. I at least wanted to salvage our friendship." She had been pacing a bit, unable to stay till. But once she admitted I had been on her mind, she looked me in the eyes. Part of her hair had fallen over her face, and I had to resist pushing it back.

"And then what happened? What does Alison have to do with this?"

"When I came here Alison answered the door. She said you were out with your parents. Seeing her answer your door told me all I really needed to know. I asked her to give you a letter I wrote. This, especially given my history with Alison and letters, was a foolish thing to do. As I left, I glanced up at your bedroom. You were sitting in the window seat." She glanced up at the top of porch as she said it, trying to gesture to where my window was. I shook my head, feeling jangled by this information. Alison had hid this from me?

"I don't remember any time the doorbell rang and Alison got it instead of me." I felt like I was giving statements to the Rosewood police again, trying to sound noncommittal and not indict myself.

"Maybe you had headphones in. But you were home." She seemed like she was telling the truth. Everyone in Rosewood was a liar, but Paige hardly did so. When she had, it had been to protect me or our relationship.

"What did the letter say?" She hesitated for a moment, biting her lip and seemingly lost in thoughts.

"The same thing I'm telling you now. That I still think about you. I wonder all the time how things would have been if we had still been together when I left. Maybe you could have transferred in after all. And that no matter what, I would be here for you if you really needed me." She sounded gruff, like she had lost sleep. But she didn't shed a tear. She was stronger than when she left. Almost impossibly strong. The change in her behavior was cold, almost off-putting.

"You still could have called or messaged me or tried again." I was shocked. Paige had reached out to me a year ago, but Alison had intercepted it. Did she do it to protect our relationship or to spite Paige? Should it matter?

"I don't know why I didn't! I didn't want to get my hopes up. I thought maybe you had…purposely sent Alison down to see me because you didn't want to. And since I assumed she would at least give you the letter…I had to assume I was out of line and you were done with me." She dipped her head, looking embarrassed for being afraid. "I know it is wrong to want to come between you two. But Emily…are you really happy with her?" I shook my head, and Paige's eyes went round in surprise. She misunderstood; I was shaking my head at her asking me something like that.

"It's too late for us." I said, trying to sound convincing. I saw the hope instantly drain from her expression.

"That's…that's not what I asked." She gently said.

"I think you should go now." Instead of moving, she pinched the bridge of her nose with one hand.

"Em…you did this to yourself. But you can undo it. You…you're better than this." She started to walk away. She didn't say it in a malicious way, but it felt like a splinter under my skin. I walked after her, grabbing her shoulder to whirl her around and face me.

"Where do you get off saying something like that? I'm glad you are having such a great time at Stanford and you feel like you can come in and out of town and judge me. Stanford was your dream, not mine." The words hung in the air like a thick blanket. You know what it is like when you say something, and however true it is, you instantly regret it? You realize the impact and you know you can't apologize it away?

"Is that really how you feel? How you've always felt?" Her demeanor had changed. It was like she was contemplating a possibility she never thought about before. I remained silent, not wanting to make things worse. I had already driven her away with that statement.

"Okay." She said as she disappeared into the night. I went back inside with a heavy heart and even more to think about.

* * *

><p>I woke up to someone gently shaking my shoulder, and bright sunlight. My dad was the one shaking me awake, and I realized after blinking a few times I feel asleep on the couch. I felt sweaty and uncomfortable, having also fallen asleep in jeans and my top from the night before. Dad just smiled and glanced at the laptop and back at me.<p>

"All work no play?" He asked.

"Sort of. I was working on workouts for the team and must have drifted off…what time is it?" I said, rubbing my eyes and lifting myself up. I was stiff from increasing my runs and sleeping there.

"It's only eight." He replied.

"Great…still might get a run in before work." I started to gather my things and head up the stairs, then stopped and turned to my dad. I thought about my conversation the night before with Paige. I knew I had to confront Alison about the letter.

"Dad?" I asked to get his attention again. He looked over at me, setting his cup of coffee down.

"Yeah Emily?"

"When you and mom met…how did you realize she was the woman you wanted to marry? What was the difference between her and other women you dated?" He looked puzzled at why I was asking such a personal question right now, but I knew he would give me an answer. He touched the edge of a framed picture from their wedding he had sitting on the coffee table.

"It was more than just being in love. She supported me and I supported her. I felt like we could be partners. We could live and raise a family together. We want the same things out of life." He finished and looked at me, still trying to figure out why I asked.

"Thanks." I said as I practically jogged up the stairs.


	9. Chapter 9

"_I know you want to kiss me." She said teasingly, grinning up at me because she knew, and that knowledge gave her power. _

_I started to walk up to her, but before I could try and kiss her she turned to grab the snow globe she gave me off the shelf. It was sitting next to the bracelet she had made. This is always what it was like with Alison. Just when I thought I had her, she slipped through my fingers. Like when you go to hold a butterfly, and despite its lazy speed you see it floating away from your closed hand a minute later. _

"_I love you too, Ali." She looked up at me, surprised by my confession. "I've loved you against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be." I had looked that quote up every now and then over the years, cementing Alison's uncharacteristically sweet words into my skin. _

_My feelings for Alison had sat like a stone somewhere in my heart, skin and tissue growing over it, creating a knot of unresolved tension. I had to know. I had to know if this could be what I thought it was years ago. If we had a happy ending. _

_And Alison was here. She was flesh and blood and hot and she was here. And I had to know. She was leaning in now, planting a kiss on my lips. _

"_I'm scared." She said, so quietly. So brokenly. I tilted her chin up so she would look me in the eyes._

"_You don't have to be. I'll protect you." _

"_You're all I have, Em. The others…"_

"_Don't worry about them. They will come around. Especially if you are…my girlfriend." _

"_I've wondered…I mean I'm not sure if I'm…but I want to try. With you. No pressure?" At the time, all I heard was her saying she wanted to try. But thinking back, the rest of the words tasted bitter in my mouth. At the time I just took her hands and assured her._

"_No pressure." Even though I wanted pressure. I wanted this to be something real, and not a casual aside till Alison found a guy to settle down with. _

* * *

><p>Alison was still sleeping when I got upstairs. I threw on my running clothes and got outside. I still didn't know to feel about Paige's confessions and the fact Alison had purposely blocked me from seeing Paige when she finally had reached out.<p>

Part of me understood. She had been trying to protect our relationship. She had always been worried about Paige. But she had taken away my autonomy, and prevented Paige and I from getting closure and possibly being friends again. No wonder Paige was so distant when she had first come back; she assumed I had wanted nothing to do with her anymore.

I ran down to the same trails were I used to go with Paige. We used to race with our swimsuits underneath our shorts, hopping in Paige's pool when we finished. It was hot and I could already feel my skin grow hot and flushed, despite keeping a slow pace since I barely slept.

After a painful few miles, I came around to my street again. I was running past Alison's old house when I saw her dad walking towards his car to leave for work. He was clutching a leather brief case in one hand and a coffee in the other. His suit was light gray and seemed light, but I could imagine it must be hot to wear in the summer heat.

"Emily! How are you?" He smiled and gestured for me to come over. Since he still travelled so often for work, he readily agreed to Alison staying with me. After all the other tragedies in their lives, Alison shacking up with a girlfriend was nothing to him. It was oddly refreshing.

"Good Mr. DiLaurentis. How are you?"

"Not too bad. I've just been busy, meeting with clients outside Rosewood. Listen I know you guys started looking at apartments." I was caught off guard by the sudden way he directed the conversation to a specific topic. I began to feel a little knot of worry in my stomach.

"Yeah we have. Hard though, trying to find something that matches our budget but seems decent." I thought back to some we had looked at despite knowing they were out of our price range. One had a breakfast nook I thought would have been perfect, especially for the rare lazy weekend mornings we had. But Alison had been quick to remind me we couldn't really afford it, with her dad and my parents insisting we earn our own way.

"I'm surprised." He commented, looking generally perplexed. He sat his coffee down on the hood and started to fish his keys out of his pocket as he spoke. "I mean, as far as I'm concerned you don't really have a budget. I'm happy to pay whatever you guys need, and Alison knows that." The knot in my stomach twisted tighter, and my jaw dropped. Maybe I didn't understand right.

"What?" I had to have misheard.

"Don't feel like you have to be embarrassed to get more help from me. Alison's safety is important to me. The money really doesn't matter." He repeated. He had just unlocked his car door, and when he looked at me he must have realized this was news to me. "Emily, are you okay?"

"Yeah…sorry just have to go get ready for work." I jogged away as he said goodbye.

* * *

><p>"This is crazy." Spencer finally said, breaking the shocked silence.<p>

"Spencer…" I started to groan in protest, but Aria instantly cut me off.

"No Spencer is right, this is nuts." Aria added, her eyes wide after listening to my story.

"It's a huge insult at the least, and a betrayal at the most." Hanna quietly said, reaching over to touch my knee. We had met at the Brew after my shift ended. We had all gathered around one of the more isolated tables in back.

"And you didn't talk to her?" Spencer asked, taking a sip of her decaffeinated coffee. She had asked for regular, but I wasn't about to supply her with any caffeine for this conversation. She kept eyeing the mug suspiciously even though there was no way she could tell the difference in taste with and without caffeine. Right?

"When I got back from running, she was already gone somewhere for the day. And with how angry I am, I didn't want to text her. I have to talk to her in person." I said, just staring at my drink but not touching it.

"I can't believe you didn't tell us. She's still playing games with you, Ezra was right." Spencer said matter-of-factly, looking me straight in the eyes. Aria and Hanna just looked shocked. I started to tear up. Spencer grabbed my shoulders and squeezed me to her. Aria was sitting on my other side, and touched my knee reassuringly.

"I feel like I screwed up. Like I just went wrong somewhere." I admitted. It had felt awful to think about telling my friends, but now I felt strangely relieved not carrying the weight myself. I surprised myself with how conflicted and emotional I felt. I had desperately wanted things to work with Alison, to believe she was actually committed to being with me.

"You didn't screw up. None of us have it all together." Aria said.

"That's the point of college anyway. And we know how much you love Ali. I think…she can be blinding at times. Like you don't see the full picture of who she is because you are up too close." Hanna fidgeted as she spoke, not seeming to want to look me in the eyes.

"What are you going to do?" Spencer asked in a low, serious tone. I felt the blood rush to my head and mouth grow dry.

"I need to talk to her. If it's true…if she is still playing games about living together and purposely stopped me from seeing Paige last year…" I felt my eyes tear up again, and dabbed them with a napkin Aria handed me. "Guys I'm sorry. I feel like I closed myself off from you. When you have Alison in your life…it's like you don't have room for anybody else."

"Knock it off!" Hanna exclaimed, jarring me from my apology. We all looked at her, not understanding her outburst.

"Again with your remarkable level of tact Hanna." Spencer slowly said. Hanna shrugged her shoulders in a defensive gesture.

"We've all made mistakes Emily. I mean…I'm not saying Ali is a mistake. But even if she wasn't A, she was still shady. We all know it. That is why most of us distanced ourselves. You think she will fall apart if you break up? Wake up. She is Alison, she can live through a nuclear war. She practically has already." Hanna leaned back.

"Is there a cockroach metaphor buried in there? Because that might be too far…" Aria shook her head and tried to refocus her energy. "But I kind of agree with Hanna. Do what you need to do. We want you to be happy. And I don't feel like Alison manipulating you and flirting with guys at bars is making you very happy." Aria finished.

"It has felt a bit like you are Alison's pitbull." Spencer hesitantly added, almost looking fearful when I shot her a look. "You do know about that nickname right?"

"Yes." I rolled my eyes. Even when Alison was at her worst, I was considered her guard dog: a loyal, stubborn companion. Spencer raised her hands in mock surrender.

"I'm just saying she pulls you from us. And we are all a team. We have been for a long time now. That won't change. Ever." I let out a little smirk, before my face tightened in worry again. I knew part of the reason my relationship trouble with Alison was bothering me so much was because I didn't feel like I was living up to my potential in other areas. But that isn't what I needed to tell my best friends about now.

"There's one more thing. I…kissed Paige." Hanna started choking on her drink, and Spencer hurried over to smack her a few times on the back.

"You _what_? Emily!" Hanna spat out when she regained a breath. Aria just let out a heavy breath.

"I asked you once if you could fix things with Paige. You tried, and you still ended up with Alison. Don't mess around with her again if you don't mean it Em." Spencer's voice had a protective tone in it.

"Wait Spencer; give her a chance to talk before scolding." Aria countered, holding a hand up and motioning for me to elaborate. "Did she reciprocate?"

"Was this before or when she visited you in the middle of the night?" Spencer barked before Aria physically held a finger over Spencer's mouth to shush her. Spencer softened a bit after that.

"Before. We were catching up and decided to go for a swim. I got a cramp…" Aria groaned, Spencer just arched an eyebrow, and Hanna tried to hide her smirk with her hand. "Damn guys I'm being serious! I really did get a bad cramp." I flushed red in embarrassment before continuing.

"Paige grabbed me and pulled me out the water. And it just happened. And I feel terrible. Alison and I had gotten into it a bit before I left to meet Paige, and right after Paige stormed off after kissing me, Alison wrote me a text saying how sorry she was for our fight. So I didn't tell her, thinking it was just a fluke with Paige. A stupid fluke. But I…"

"I wish you would have told us about this first." Spencer growled, her voice low. "You cheated on her, Em. You need to come clean with Alison." Hanna and Aria just made it a point to look intently in their drinks. Hanna looked especially lost in her thoughts. Then she spoke quietly.

"You and Alison are poisonous together. Slow acting and subtle, but over time the insidious parts of your relationship have taken their toll. On both of you." Hanna noticed our shocked faces, and shrugged her shoulders again. "What? Don't look at me like that. We're all in college. I do read and analyze."

"You continue to be a beautiful, contradictive mystery Hanna Marin." Spencer commented.

"It's not cool what you did with Paige, especially if you didn't mean it. Especially since you are with Alison. But I do respect you for being honest. When I thought Toby was A, it nearly shredded me apart to not just tell you guys what I was going through." Spencer confessed.

"I felt terrible when I kissed Ezra while seeing Jake. But if you think, like I did, that person could be the one…you have to fight for it." Aria justified.

"We've all done things we regret. But you have to be honest with Alison. And you deserve honesty from her, even if you don't get it." Hanna said.

"Lies have never gotten any of us anywhere." Spencer thought out loud, biting her lip. Then she sipped her coffee and glanced up at me.

"Is this decaf Emily?" My deer-in-headlights response must have said it all. Spencer got up and marched to the counter, cursing under her breath before requesting a red eye.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: I want to thank people for ALL the reviews, along with the follows and favorites. If it is any consolation to the reviewers who expressed frustration with the characters so far, this chapter might start to help. **

**This story is really two parts, and while the first has largely focused on Emily and Emison, the second will focus on Emily getting her shit together for lack of better words. And Paily. So thank you for your words and your implied patience if you are still reading.**

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><p>My stomach felt hot and irritated as I walked up the stairs to my room. I half expected her not to be there. To have simply vanished, somehow knowing what was coming. I had half-expected Alison to disappear throughout our whole relationship. Dating her has always felt like cupping a frantic butterfly in my hands, feeling it constantly trying to slip through my fingers.<p>

But when I walked into the room she was there. Sitting on the bed and reading a copy of _Wuthering Heights_. She looked so blissful and relaxed; I almost disregarded everything I needed to say.

"Alison…" She held up a finger as her eyes continued to scan the page, effectively ignoring me. She had a tendency to become engrossed in literature.

"Have you read this one before? It's Emily Brontë." She said quietly, still not looking up from the page.

"No but…" She shook her head and told me to listen.

"My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Healthcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being." She quoted. She then grabbed the bookmark sitting beside her, marked her page, and sat the book down to give me her full attention. "What's up?" She said, noting my fidgeting and the fact I hadn't sat down yet.

"We need to talk." I quietly said. The room suddenly felt too quiet and small. I felt trapped in it, in this conversation I was starting.

"That doesn't sound good." She frowned.

"I ran into your dad this morning." I walked over to the window, looking over at her house. I couldn't stand to look at her, or I would lose my courage to do this.

By this time, the moon was full and hanging heavy and bloated in the night sky. My parents were probably out at dinner somewhere. For that I was relieved. I didn't want them around for this.

"Oh?" Her voice betrayed a small ounce of fear.

"Mind explaining why we have been looking and looking for the perfect apartment within our budget, when we don't actually _have_ a budget?" I turned around and faced her, trying to gauge her reaction. Her face remained passive.

Alison was after all, nothing if not a naturally talented actress. But her eyes told me she was afraid, or at least caught off guard.

"Em…I can explain." She looked down at the bed, biting her lip. I shook my head.

"After you are done explaining that, tell me about the night Paige stopped by to see me last summer. To refresh your memory, you told her I wasn't home and failed to give me a letter she asked you to deliver." At this, Alison's eyes glazed over in a familiar look of cynical indifference.

"So that is what this is about. Paige." She flatly concluded, pushing herself off the bed and standing to face me. But I wasn't going to fall for it this time.

"This has nothing to do with Paige. This has everything to do with you lying to me. Manipulating me. Still. To this day." I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to quench the surprising level of anger I was feeling.

"If this has nothing to do with Paige, why did you kiss her?" She fired back, crossing her arms and standing tall. Alison had officially just entered the arena, and this sort of sport was her specialty. But when her words hit me, I felt like she had punched me in the neck. The anger seemed to drain, replaced with a heady feeling of guilt and fear.

"How'd you know?" I wondered out loud.

"I didn't till just now, but I could assume. I saw the way you two kept looking at each other at Hanna's engagement party." She had been hoarding this. It was her trump card to anything I could be righteously angry for. It didn't even seem like she was upset by me cheating. She just seemed content to have something to hold over me again.

"Okay fine. I kissed Paige. And I feel terrible. But that doesn't change the fact that you lied to me about wanting to move forward. You don't want to have a real relationship with me at all, not in the open. You can barely look at me or touch me except in this room. I'm not your doll anymore. I can't just be picked up and put down when it suits you." I spat out. I realized this was about more than just being lied to. This was about being partially closeted again. Alison would never go to a gay bar with me, let alone get a house with a white picket fence and a bunch of cats. Alison couldn't be tamed or domesticated by anyone for long.

And she knew it too. She just didn't like being called out on it.

"You told me no pressure. You told me I could be myself and be safe when I was with you! Why do you need to get this apartment together?" Her face still remained passive and blank of any micro expressions, despite her obvious anger.

"When I said no pressure or promises I lied. I lied to appease you. I lied because I thought after two years you might entertain the notion of being in a real relationship with me. I wanted to protect you. God help me Alison I still do." I reached my hand out, trying to touch her shoulder, but she jerked away from my touch.

"I don't need your protection. And maybe I wasn't ready to U-Haul with you but that doesn't mean this relationship isn't real to me. I've been in your bed for two goddamn years Emily. In the meantime, Paige has been in any woman's bed except yours, and one letter could have dismantled us in a heartbeat. That's why I kept it from you!" There. She had finally said it.

She seemed surprised at her own outburst, breathing heavily to try and regain control of herself.

"It wasn't your choice to make. With or without the letter, you aren't ready to be out with me in our own place. You can't take that next step in our lives. And I…I have to." My face felt wet, and I realized I had started crying. This seemed to break something down in Alison. She looked down at my trembling lips then up to my eyes.

"Em I don't want to fight…" Her blue eyes were so brilliantly captivating in that moment. Clear and true, despite how easily they could hurt me with one glance. She could be so kind and generous, but it took so much to get her to break down her defenses. I couldn't keep fighting for scraps of her love.

"This isn't going to work." My voice cracked as I said it, but I knew Alison had heard me. For a second, the whole world seemed to stop. I could hear the silence, blood pounding in my ears. She opened her mouth to say something a few quick times, but stopped herself each time.

"Okay." She said finally. She hadn't shed a tear so far, but she turned to hide her face from me. A wave of guilt hit me. Because even though I was upset, even though she had lied and hurt me, I still felt like I was abandoning her.

I sat on the window seat as she packed the clothes and toiletries she had here. Most of her stuff was at her dad's house, which she still had her key to. I willed myself not to change my mind and give in. Because now I knew where our road ended. We would never have a life together in the open. We had hidden in the shadows for so long because of A that we only thrived in it. Alison and I weren't meant for the sun.

She sighed, picking up the suitcase. She regarded me with that same unreadable expression.

"Alison? Will you be okay?" I asked, panicked I was sending her to her doom even though I knew better.

"I always am." With that she walked out the room and that was it. Our relationship was over. My parents hadn't been home, I would have to tell them soon. For now I just cried, grieving over a necessary but tough loss.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author Note: Again thank you to everybody that has been kind of enough to review, favorite, and/or follow. It is a big ego boost. This chapter is sorta short, but I will try not to leave it hanging too long before the next update. **

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><p><strong>Weeks later. <strong>

Dana blew her whistle, the shrill noise immediately reducing the movement in the water.

"Alright ladies cool down." The swimmers expressed gratitude at being able to end the tough workout. Dana started walking around the edges of the pool to where I was standing, frantically jotting down notes in my notebook.

"Well?" I said, looking up from the words to her. She was smiling broadly.

"Emily that was a great workout you prepared. And you didn't seem nearly as distracted. What's gotten into you?" She asked, trying to read my expression to figure out what the secret could possibly be.

"I guess I just decided it was time to really be present. I miss swimming myself…but I want to try and help this team be the best they can be at it." Dana nodded appreciatively.

"I haven't seen you motivated like this since high school…keep it up. The team needs you like this all the time." She said before walking away. It felt good for Dana to see the improvement. I started to head out myself, but decided to stop putting off one other loose end.

"Sydney?" I gestured for her to come over. She looked like she was stuck between confusion and fear.

"Yes Coach Fields?" Sydney seemed uncomfortable in her own skin as she answered, wrapping a towel around her waist and peeling off her swim cap.

"Relax. I just wanted to say sorry. You were right; I was still being hard on you. What happened with Jenna was when I was in high school. I should have left it in the past. You realize you will probably make captain this year right?" She blushed furiously, but nodded in acceptance.

"Great. Then you should know that the swim camp is helpful but it isn't everything. You will want to keep your cardio up. It just happens I'm training for a race…would you like to train with me?" I suddenly felt as shy as Sydney looked up at me and considered my proposal. She really hadn't realized what kind of game Jenna had involved her in…she had just assumed it was a little _Mean Girls_ stuff. Nothing like the _Scream_ movie it really turned out to be.

"Um…I would love to. Yes. When did you want to start?" She seemed to finally breathe in and out after realizing I wanted to make amends.

"How about tomorrow morning? It'll be Saturday so you won't have to come to practice afterwards." She agreed and started to walk away, clenching her shoulders in a nervous gesture still. But then she turned around.

"What about Alison? She still doesn't like me…I know she probably wouldn't like you hanging out with me." It took me by surprise, even though it shouldn't. Alison had never forgiven Sydney for getting involved in Jenna and Mona's game, and still suspected she knew more about Jenna's true intentions then she had let on. But none of that mattered to me anymore.

"We…aren't together anymore. So it's fine." Sydney's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets at the news.

"Does Paige know?" She eagerly inquired.

"Not yet…and I hope it can stay that way till I'm ready to tell her myself. Understood?"

"But it is nearly the end of the summer…she will be going back to school soon…" Sydney reasoned. I smiled even though it broke my heart to think about it. Reach out before I'm ready or risk losing her for good this time?

I coughed and asked again if she could keep a secret. The irony didn't escape me.

"Yes coach. See you Saturday!" She shuffled off. I felt another burden come off my shoulders. It turned out it was much easier to just try and do the right things versus hold on to the anger.

When I thought about Paige, my stomach knotted in some bizarre cross between nerves, lust, and longing. I don't know why I was scared to tell her. She had all but said she would give it another chance. Part of me couldn't believe I was still waiting around, leaving Paige open to another girl stealing her heart. Someone like Vanessa or another girl back in California.

But I knew I wasn't ready. I had to learn who I was. I stared out at the pool, thinking about how much easier it seemed before. As crazy as everything else had been in high school, Paige was the one thing that had given me the hope of a happy ending.

"The hallways all seem smaller than they were in high school." Aria said, startling me from my thoughts.

"Well that is an especially interesting observation coming from you." I said, arching an eyebrow.

"I'm not that short!" She scolded, following me as I walked to the office.

"Come on I just need to pick up my bag and we can go."

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><p>"Are we going to have to meet at these random dive bars for the rest of our lives in order to avoid Alison?" Hanna asked, frustrated.<p>

"Probably not. No. Well just the rest of the summer for me. Come on guys it's already weird enough I have to see her all the time when I leave my house. The last thing I want to see is her in the middle of picking someone up at the bars we used to go to together." I frowned imagining it.

"I like it. I think this place has character." Aria commented, her eyes searching the paint-splatted walls and etchings from previous patrons. Its walls did faintly resemble the sort of thing Aria would wear to school. "And I think I might have a solution to your being in the same neighborhood dilemma AND your still living at home dilemma." Aria suggested, biting her lip.

"Yeah what's that?" I asked.

"You could sublet my place while I'm in Europe! It fits in your budget and it's already furnished. Plus I would know I could trust you to not burn it down. Or blow it up. Or drive a car through it. Dealing with A really made me come to appreciate the importance of renter's insurance." Aria declared.

"Really Aria? That would be great!" I can't believe the simple solution of taking Aria's place never occurred to me.

"You should go see it too, before you move in. It's important." Spencer urged.

"Thanks future attorneys of America…but why? I've been to Aria's place plenty of times. Unless you are hiding some Red Room of Pain behind a bookcase…you aren't right?" Sure Aria's place had a certain…look to it, but I could get used to stuffed animals and an excessive amount of books and notepads.

"Would you rather me say yes or no?" She asked while smirking.

"I'm not sure." Spencer mumbled, quirking an eyebrow.

"Why are you drinking Guinness?" Hanna asked, nodding towards Aria's glass. Aria pulled the pint towards her body protectively.

"I want to be able to drink like the locals once I get there." She admitted, taking another swallow and grimacing a bit. "It isn't that bad once you get used to it." She added.

"It looks like you're loving it." Hanna observed. "So…you really haven't talked to her at all? Do you think I still have to invite her to my wedding?" She appeared lost in thought as she tried to picture it.

"No I haven't talked to her since we broke up. It's your wedding, it is up to you. Don't worry about me and having her there." It was so far away, it was hard to picture.

"It would be weird not to invite her now…I mean she came to the engagement party." Hanna explained.

"She will probably say no anyway. She isn't going to try and upstage you anymore. That Alison is thankfully gone." Spencer reassured, taking another sip of her beer.

"I'm not worried about me; I'm just worried about Alison's relationship with half the guests." Hanna said, looking directly at me. I rolled my eyes.

"Guys it'll work itself out. Ali isn't the person they remember her as anymore. And it isn't like I can't stand to be in the same room with her. I just realized she was never going to move ahead with me." I tried to explain.

"Well Paige is standing up for Caleb, and I'm pretty sure Alison is exactly who she remembered her being." Spencer pointed out.

"Touché. But they were civil at the engagement party. Have you talked to Paige? Does she know…" Aria asked.

"No not yet. It's too soon. Besides I don't know how to have that conversation with her." I shrugged. The break up hadn't been about wanting to be with Paige. It had been about things not working with Alison.

"Well, to be fair, you guys seemed to have this conversation every few weeks in high school. How difficult could it be at that rate?" Spencer asked, smiling.

"What conversation?" I asked.

"The conversation about how you really, actually want to be with her. You had the conversation so often the last time you guys had it, Paige just asked to skip the talk and kiss you. Senior year right?" Hanna added, starting to smile too.

"Alright alright enough." I said, slamming my beer down as I started to smile myself. Now they were openly laughing. "You guys aren't even that funny." I got up and started to leave.

"Oh come on Em we are just joking around!" Spencer called out.

"And we have to discuss when we are going shopping for your bridesmaid dresses!" Hanna shouted after me. I shook my head.

"I have a run scheduled with Sydney tomorrow morning. Have to up bright and early." I explained. This caused them all to get up and hug me.

"I'll schedule an apartment showing with you as soon as possible." Aria reassured. I shook my head, eager to tell my parents about the arrangement Aria was offering.

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><p>My parents had been thrilled with the idea of me taking over Aria's lease while she was away. After a few days Aria, Spencer, and Hanna had all badgered me into visiting Aria's place to get an idea of the environment. I should have known they were all up to something. When I knocked on Aria's door, it seemed like it took forever for her to come let me in.<p>

"Hey." She chirped, her voice sounding tight and nervous. "Come in." She opened the door wider and I stepped over the threshold.

"Okay I'm here for this grand tour you guys are all so insistent on…" I stopped midsentence. Paige was sitting on the couch. Upon hearing my voice, she stood up, tucking hair behind her ear and dipping her head down, before nervously risking a glance in my eyes.

"Hey Em." She said. I felt a strange and abrupt swirl of excitement and fear at seeing her. A voice in my head whispered too soon, but I could barely hear it over the beat my heart was starting to drum.

"Yeah so I'm going to leave you two alone to have…any…uh let's just call them 'conversations' you may need to have." Aria sheepishly said, practically jogging out the door before I could think to stop her. Aria had been right back in high school; she really could move quickly when it was necessary. The three of them had planned this.

"Paige." I whispered. I felt dizzy, light in the head and heavy everywhere else, like all my blood was being pulled down in my body.


End file.
